my confession


Originally I wasn't going to write anything tonight because I haven't been looking at the brighter things today - my efforts weren't lacking, it's just that nothing seemed to go right.  Like now, Sadee is sitting in her room saying "momma" and it's eleven o'clock.  It's not that she missed her bedtime, no... it's that she slept for 3 hours and is now awake.  Which, would probably be fine if it weren't for the fact that she learned to open her door.  I think sleep-walking might be part of the problem.  Hm...

Needless to say that after waiting too long to see my doctor, spilling cheese on my jeans at the mall, a small fit-throwing extravaganza, nap-time an hour late, my first ever grocery trip to Wal-Mart, and now a toddler who would rather be awake than asleep - I'm officially ready to sleep in the backyard, just to escape for a little while. 

Can we just all agree that January is the worst month of the year?  Especially with little ones.

And I know that last night I expressed how much I learned from some amazing friends, but it didn't make today any easier.  But, I did read a really sweet article on motherhood today and it made me feel better and normal for feeling like a failure.  The mother who wrote the article summed it up perfectly by saying:

"That’s my confession. It’s not that I don’t want to be better. I think at heart we wake up each day and want each day to be better than the next. That’s why I celebrate pulling up the boot straps and trying again and again and giving yourself grace. (Don’t forget grace. Ever.) Motherhood has moments of extreme patience, extreme trying, and really learning to not compare.
Motherhood isn’t based on external markers of perfection.
Motherhood is an act of learning. Every single day. It’s being okay with the fact that maybe you like the convenience of that boxed macaroni and cheese. You know why? It’s because it’s not based on what other moms are doing – it’s based on you – on you knowing your family, knowing what is best for your family, and being brave and confident in what you’re doing."
I am learning.  Every day.  Mostly to be patient with myself.  To be patient with the fact that some days we watch too many cartoons.  Some days we don't spend quality time together.  Some days we miss nap time and bed time and watch movies and eat popcorn.  And even when I'm Mrs. Grumpy-Mom-Pants, Sadee still loves me and I still love her and I love being her mom and I love being able to spend time with her.  And that's enough for now - let's just hope it's enough to make it through a potentially rough night.  
So, let's just pray for January to be over soon.  
Some sunshine could do our souls some good.

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