learning to play

One of my greatest weaknesses is spending quality time with my children {maybe even my family in general}.  Watching my children play is always intriguing and I'm often jealous of mothers who aren't afraid to get down and dirty, right along with their kiddies.  Nine out of ten times, I sit on the sidelines watching.  It's good, you know... to let your children play free and open, letting them explore individually and creating the world for themselves - but they still need their mommies and daddies to guide them and know them.  That's something I'm working on.  

Being a mommy of two, I've been feeling spread very thin.  My attention is always bouncing around, never holding onto one thing too long.  Also, everything feels fuzzy - like I'm only half-way accomplishing each thing... I call it "brain fog."  The more this happens, the more I just want to forget about everything and just sit down and be - be with husband, be with my children, and most of all, be free of all the responsibilities that weigh me down. 

In an effort to enjoy the sunny weather and spend a little quality time with my 2 year old, we strapped on our bathing suits and headed outside.  Natually, I sat on the sidelines, soaking in the sunny warmth while my little girl played in the sprinklers and watered some flowers.  In that very moment, I realized that more than anything, I wanted to be running and exploring just like her.  But, at the same time, my own judgement set in and my own thoughts kept me sitting there.  I mean come on, who wants to see a grown up running around in their bathing suit?  And what kind of grown-up runs in the sprinklers?  And what if someone sees?  

And then, I thought, "Who cares?"  

There I was, in the privacy of my own backyard with no one home but my daughter and I and the baby asleep inside - so, I peeled myself of that warm, comfortable sideline towel and joined the fun.  And do you want to know what I discovered?  Running through the freezing cold sprinkler is just as fun at age 24 as it was at age 5 - and I'm happy I did it - grown-up, two baby body and all.  

And I think that's the trick with everything - moving away from our warm, comfortable spot and trying something just a little less comfortable.  It's always going to feel awkward at first, but in the end, we'll probably gain something in return.  I'll probably bite myself for saying that later.  Needless to say, that one hour alone with my daughter, in our quiet backyard, was my one hour of heaven - the stress and responsibility of life was lifted, my head focused on what I was doing and we laughed and ran and hugged until we were tired, but more happy than before.  

Here's to playing!  Isn't life just so good?

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